Beautiful Mess
by hungryhippo1000
Summary: "I know how strong she is, holding up despite the things thrown her way. Constantly fighting what feels to her like a losing war. And I want to fight with her. For Her." Shun/Alice. Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy, Friendship, and a bit of Romance.


To those who are reading my other story, "Oh Puzzle Piece, Where Have You Gone?" I would like to tell you I am (kind of) taking a short break. Reasons will be at the bottom of this story.

This is kind of dark, not like my usual. Probably because I've had some stuff (very much related to this story) going on with a friend.

***NOTE: This short story is based on the mood disorder, Depression. Also, it has been slightly edited***

* * *

**Alice Pov.**

Darkness... But not necessarily like the power of Darkus. More like emptiness, and the absence of light. Only evil remains. Monsters coming for me. Wait, no. There are no monsters coming for me.

I am the monster. An insane creature. A burden.

Not the Alice Gehabich they think they know.

* * *

**Shun Pov.**

I watch her from across the room. Slumped on her chair, staring blankly into space. Her beautiful orange curls hang loosely around her face, shielding me from her view.

I force out a little cough to get her attention.

"Hello Shun," she says weakly without turning. There is no life left in her voice. Not a trace of the liveliness she had before. I walk over to her, and only when I am kneeling in front of her does she finally look up so that her eyes meet mine. Like her voice, her chocolate brown eyes are dead. They are still beautiful, but they don't hold the warmth that everybody loved so much.

What a beautiful mess.

I hold her cold hands in mine for a second before speaking. "Did you eat at all today?"

"No."

I bite my lip. "Yesterday?"

Alice takes a moment to reply, but eventually shakes her head. "Not yesterday."

"You haven't eaten since I came two days ago?" I ask, and I can hear the sadness in my own voice. "Aren't you hungry?"

"No and no. I was empty... But not hungry," she tells me, shrugging. She breaks our eye contact and stares at her feet. "If I was hungry, I would have wanted to eat. Like how I'm tired, but I'm not sleepy. Just... Empty."

I frown as I examine her frail body. It looks weaker than it did two days ago, much weaker than it did weeks ago. The combination of the lack of nutrition and sleep cannot be good for her. Hell, it wouldn't be good for anybody.

Letting go of her hands, I head to the kitchen. The dusty cupboards open as I find the cans of soup I had left there days ago in hopes that Alice would have the energy to at least heat herself some soup. But none of them had been touched.

I grab the nearest one; a can of chicken noodle soup. The perfect soup to warm and cheer somebody up.

After heating it over the stove and pouring some into a bowl, I place it down on the coffee table in front of her. Fully aware she would not eat it herself, I lift a spoonful of the warm soup in front of her mouth. Gently nudging her lip with the spoon, I offer her some. But she only shakes her head.

"Alice, you have to eat. You need something in your system," I plead, the same way I did two days ago. The irony in the situation stings me. Normally, it would be Alice making soup for others. She was known for her cooking, and particularly known for her soups like her mouth watering French onion. But now it's me heating a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle and forcing her to eat it to keep her alive. "I know you're not hungry, but you need to eat. Open your mouth."

She sighs, and opens her mouth wide enough so I can spoon feed her. She swallows.

"Was that so bad?" I question, and to my relief, she shakes her head. Alice takes the bowl and spoon out of my hands and begins to eat it herself.

It takes awhile for her to finish the contents of the tiny bowl. When I offer her more, she pushes the empty bowl away from her. "Thanks, Shun. I really appreciate what you've done for me. But if I eat anymore, I'll puke."

"Alright. Just let me know if you want more; there's still some left in the pot," I tell her as I place the bowl into the sink. She nods to show that she understands.

I sink into the couch beside her, leaning back into the fluffy pillows. Even the pillows are depressing. Everything in Alice's once warm apartment is now gloomy, lifeless. Not that anything's changed, really. But the atmosphere of the place is missing the Alice that used to be here.

"So... See Dan and Runo at all?" I ask finally, just to start a conversation. But I know she hasn't. Alice hasn't left the place in days, and I'm not sure if she's even left the couch besides going to the bathroom. Runo had been asking me about her best friend, but I hadn't told her. Runo knew about Alice's condition, but she didn't know how far it was. Alice, not wanting to worry anyone, made me promise not to tell anybody.

"No. They've both called, though," she says tiredly as she glances at her home phone. I look at it too, and notice that she had unplugged the wires from the wall. Alice sees my stare, and shrugs. "I felt bad ignoring them, but I couldn't pick up. If I did... I wouldn't have known what to say. But as they kept calling, I felt worse and worse...so I did the quickest thing to make myself not know they were calling."

"I can just tell them you want peace and quiet if you want, Alice," I suggest, even though I already had done so. But Dan couldn't get the message through the thick skull of his, and Runo was too worried about her best friend. "Really, I'd do anything-"

"How?"

"How what?" For some reason, her question startles me. _Does she doubt that I'd do anything to help her? _I clear my throat. "How will I do anything?"

"No, that's not what I meant." Alice locks her eyes to mine, and I can see her pain reflecting from them. "How do you have the patience to care for me? I don't understand how you do it, Shun. I can't feel. The soup, I could barely taste it. You asked me if I was hungry. I can't feel hunger. I don't have the energy to live anymore."

I stay silent, knowing she has more to say and that interrupting her speech would only silence her.

"I am a monster, Shun. Unloving, only disaster. My mind is hell, wrecking me inside and out. I hate this. I don't know what's going on in my head." I see tears trickling down her cheeks, and I brush them softly away with my fingers. I hold my hand there, cupping her ice cold cheek for a moment before dropping my hands back down to my lap. "I can barely feel my own tears, Shun. I don't know what's going on. It's like I'm floating through a world where everything is against me."

"But nobody's against you-"

"I know, but it feels that way alright? You don't understand!" she snaps, and my eyes widen in surprise by her sudden outburst. When sees my reaction, she quickly covers her mouth with her hands and begins to shake. "I'm so sorry. I'm just so unstable right now. I'm sorry, Shun. I can't control my thoughts... my actions... me... I don't want to be a burden for you anymore, Shun... I'm sorry..."

She shakes so uncontrollably now, and I wrap my arms around her like a protective barrier. Protecting Alice from herself. There are no more tears now. She's just shaking, and her breathing is off. I would've thought she was choking if I hadn't seen her do this before.

"You're not a burden," I whisper soothingly, and she doesn't reply. She's shaking less now. Shivering, but not from the cold. "And Alice, I have the patience because it's you. You're my best friend. You would do the same for me, wouldn't you? I know you would. You have done so ever since we met."

Deep down, I am yearning to tell her I love her more than just a best friend, but I know now is not the time to drop the love bomb.

"But I'm worthless," she says. I notice her voice has stopped shaking as well. But it's blank again. Empty. Lifeless. "There's nothing left."

"Yes there is. I see a spark in you, Alice. Under your depression, you're still you," I say. She's so motionless now that if I didn't know better, I would have thought she'd fallen asleep in my arms. But I know better. She had been afraid to sleep since three days ago. "You can defeat depression. You're the strongest person I know."

Alice laughs humorlessly, and even that dry laugh is an improvement from moments ago. "Strong? Do you not see me?"

To an outsider who had no clue what was going on, Alice would look weak. She'd lost so much weight in the past two months since her grandfather had passed away, and being sleep deprived wasn't helping her either. Although she'd never gone out of her way to make herself look pretty, Alice's hair is now a complete mess and there are bags under her eyes. Still exceptionally beautiful... But if I didn't know the story, I would have thought she was a pitiful beauty.

But I do know the story. I do know she is struggling through depression, fighting a battle each minute against herself. I see how strong she is, holding up despite the things thrown her way. Constantly fighting what feels to her like a losing war.

And I want to fight with her. For her.

"I see you as a fighter. The strongest, toughest girl I had ever seen," I shoot her a weak smile, the corner of my lips barely tugging upward. "A true Darkus brawler I'd say."

"Yeah, sure," she sighs, turning away. We're quiet for a moment. We have these moments a lot, where we just sit and stay silent. Thinking about things, life. And in my case, thinking about her.

"Thanks Shun. You can't really tell... But it feels better with you here," she tells me, and I can almost hear the hint of shyness from before.

A sudden idea hits me. "Alice... Why not I stay here for a while. In your apartment. I mean, I visit almost every day anyways. I can sleep in your spare room-"

"No," she says abruptly, and I feel shot down. I know it's her choice and my suggestion isn't something I'd normally suggest, but the rejection still burns. But when she puts her hand on my shoulder, it's like putting ice on the burn. "Not the spare room. I don't know if it's too much to ask, but I want to be closer..."

"Not a problem," I say, trying to keep my cool. But I'm bouncing up and down, swirling and twirling inside of my head. "But I need to go home once to get my stuff and deal with the old man. It's almost six right now, and the last train leaves at eleven..." I run my hand through my thick hair. "I don't think I'll be back by tonight. Can you hold up till tomorrow morning? I know nights aren't the best for you..."

She nods. "I think I should be fine... Don't worry, I won't..." Alice looks down at her wrists, covered in bandages I had put on her.

"I know, I have faith in you," I tell her, and I swear I saw Alice attempt a smile. I push myself up off the couch. "I better go. I'll be back in a bit. Call me if you need me."

"Okay, bye Shun."

"See you soon," I say as I walk out the door.

Tomorrow morning when I come back here, I am going to take Alice out. It will take a lot of convincing, but she needs some fresh air. Maybe grocery shopping will be a good start.

And I will take her to see a doctor. She keeps saying it won't help, but honestly, I can't do much more than support her. I have no experience with depression. I know it's more than feeling sad, and that it's something to do with chemical imbalances inside the brain, but that's about all I know. And even if I did, I don't know if I'm capable of lifting her up on my own.

But I will try. Because trying hard for someone I love is something I am damn capable of.

* * *

This is a long author's note, but I want you to read it. Please and thank you.

Depression is a mood disorder, and an extremely serious one. It's caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, but it can be triggered by traumatic and stressful events. Depression can also be genetic, so it can be passed on in the family. There are so many of levels, types, and lengths (some last longer than others) of depression, and it can be treated (not nessesarily cured) by medication. In this story, Alice is at a pretty bad stage of Depression (it feels horrible for those who have it, but again, there are levels). Sadly, there are tons of people out there who suffer from it. My best friend is one of them.

I almost lost my best friend a little while ago. And right now, I'm her only anchor. For months now I've been trying to help her up. I'm barely keeping her up, and now thankfully, she is seeing a professional as well.

If you feel like you may have the slightest chance of having depression, please look it up and see the symptoms. If you have some, I suggest you go see someone, or talk to someone professional via phone. It's better to catch it earlier, and try to get help earlier.

I've got this (what I think is an awesome) idea to put a smile on people's faces. If you want to know more, PM me! **And if you need to talk, you can always PM me too**. I don't mind listening (or in this case, reading) if you need someone to talk to.

**Now you can stop reading if you want and just leave me a review**(let me know if you like this deep stuff). If you wanna read about "Oh Puzzle Piece, Where Have You Gone?" Keep reading.

**MY STORY I HAVE BEEN TERRIBLE AT UPDATING. **I'm so sorry. But because of many reasons (lack of inspiration, being busy, trying to finish my other story and obviously the stuff above), I have been terrible and will continue to be terrible and updating until I am able to balance out my stuff to do again. And also, I'm now crewing for a musical so I'll be pretty busy. For now, please consider my story on a tiny break (hiatus sounds too long so... Break. Just pretend Shun and Alice are busy in other stories and can't be in mine right now :D). I'll still try to update once a month (err... starting next month).

So again, please leave me a review. This story is a little different than my usual (well... Sort of similar to my Pokémon story, "Open Up Your Eyes, Good Girl") so I want to know your feedback. Thanks!


End file.
